He was a damaged man and she was the woman who would do anything to save him. Pediatric Nurse Cindi James and pediatric surgeon Jay Sanders were known around Prince Memorial hospital as mortal enemies. They were always butting heads and nothing she did was ever good enough for the emotionally constipated doctor. To make things worse, he was also the man she had been harbouring a crush for, for the past three years. Yet when she suddenly needed help, the only person she could turn to was him.
Jay didn't like entitled rich girls, and nurse James was that and more. To make matters worse, she was wild and always invading his dreams. The more he tries to stay clear of her, the more she seems to push herself in his way. Can he take a chance and give in to his feelings? Or risk getting burn again knowing this time he might not survive?
Chapter 1
"Nurse James, if you would kindly revisit earth and hand me the scalpel I'll greatly appreciate it," Dr. Jay Sanders said with undeniable sarcasm lacing his voice. Cindi frowned and looked into Dr. Jay's blue eyes that were the only visible part of his face in his surgical scrubs and smiled sweetly. The man was a great pediatric heart surgeon, but he had a huge chip on his shoulders. She swore each morning he woke up it was with some sort of stick up his ass and whenever she was on his rotation, she was a prime target for him. She might as well put a bulls-eye in the middle of her chest and hand him an arrow. "Of course Dr. Jay, let me find a spot to land my spaceship and I'll get right on it," she bit out and heard a couple of the people in the room snicker under their breaths. The man was a torn in her side. He was always picking on her for some godforsaken reason that was unbeknown to her. She didn't even know why or what she had done to warrant this kind of attention from him since he started working there three years ago. "Any day now Nurse James." "Believe me I've been saying the same thing since you came to work here," she muttered handing him the scalpel. How many times has she fantasized ways to use one on him, or accidentally let one slip, she had lost count. "Pardon?" he asked looking up at her. Her foolish heart skipped a beat at his intense gaze. Why out of all the men in this hospital and who her family has been trying to set her up with, he was the only one who made her heart sing. Foolish thing, you'll think by now it'll get the memo he and she were enemies. "It's a nice incision," she said instead. "Thank you." Of course, you like your ego stroke, just like everyone else around this place, she thought in disdain. Someone cleared their throat and she looked up to see the anaesthesia nurse and her friend Michelle winking at her. Cindi rolled her eyes at the other woman and turned back to the task at hand. She watched as Dr. Jay's skilled hands. He was really skilled at what he did, if only he could get a personality transplant like the heart they were giving little Katie. She hoped they would be finished for the singagram she ordered for him. If this weren't a hospital, she would have ordered him a strippergram and sit back in pleasure and see how he dealt with that. She could picture the shock on his stern face as the woman started stripping. She bet he would get all high and mighty and tells the poor girl she could be doing something better with her life. Then the dancer would give him a lap dance just to shut him up, and that would give him a boner that would make him blush to the end of his blond roots. Cindi giggled at the picture that popped up into her head. He might even fall down from shock or in a dead faint, or maybe better yet have a heart attack. Maybe a stripper wasn't a bad idea after all if it would get him off her back. "Something about a little girl lying on a table with her chest open funny to you nurse James?" "N-no Dr. Jay," she said soberly. "Maybe it might be better if you step out and someone takes over for you, you obviously don't want to be here" "I beg your pardon?" "Nurse Brown, take over for Nurse James, she's scrubbing out." Cindi looked at him and at the woman who was eagerly now at her elbow. She nodded and moved away giving him a glare before she left the OR. Okay maybe she shouldn't have giggled but that didn't give him the right to kick her out. She threw the gown and cap in the bin, washed her hands and walk to her locker to grab her phone. Maybe she'll see if Davi was free tonight to hang out after her shift ends. She opened her locker and her eyes locked onto the picture of her niece and nephew Cassie and Ben at last Christmas dinner. She can't believe they are three already, time does fly fast. She couldn't wait to see them and hope that they were already in from their visit to their grandparents in New York. She looked at the time and pulled her phone out dialling her sister's number. "Can't believe the dickwad kicked me out," she muttered as she waited for Davi to answer. "Who kicked you out?" Davina asked. "Hey, you guys are back?" "Yeah, we got in half an hour ago, what's up you sound upset." "Oh the usual work stuff, is it okay if I come by and see the kids? I haven't seen them in three weeks." "Sure, are you okay Cin?" "I'm fine Davi, just tired. How was your trip with the in-laws?" "Same as always, spoil the kids, but it was good." "Are they still coming over for Christmas?" "Yep, the kids can't wait, they've been counting down the days on the calendar," Davi said laughing. Cindi was happy her sister found love and her happily ever after. She was happy she was back working at their parents' practice where she was happy doing something that she loved. It seemed that everyone around her has been happy lately except for her, even Mel was getting married. "Mel is getting married." "What, to whom?" Davina asked in surprised. "Some guy she met in Jamaica, she'll bring him up with her in two weeks or she might stay until after Christmas." "She just met him and is going to marry him?" "She says she's in love, I tried talking some sense into her but if its love who am I to stand in cupids way?" "Cindi are you sure you're okay, you sound a bit down. Do you want me to come and have lunch with you, Connor can watch the kids." "No, I'm just tired I've been doing some overtime, today is my last day before I have the weekend off. Seeing you and the kids later will cheer me up." "Alright are you off at six?" "Yeah." "Okay, I'll keep dinner for you then and you can tell me what's really bothering you." "Davi, nothing is—" "Cindi I've known you for twenty-five years, give me some credit to know when something is bothering my little sister." "It's nothing really just Dr. Jay." "It's never anything when it comes to him, but I think it's more than that, we'll pick this up when you get here. Try and enjoy the rest of your day okay." "Yeah, thanks. I'll see you guys later." "Okay, love you." "Love you too." "Why am I not surprise, no wonder you were distracted in surgery, couldn't get out fast enough to tell lover boy you love him?" Cindi stiffened at the sarcasm in the biting voice. At times, she herself is surprised she doesn't carry the physical scars of his barbs. She turned slowly and looked at the man who tormented her days and warmed her nights even if it's only in her dreams. His mask and cap were gone showing ruffled honey blond hair with traces of grey at the sides of his temples. She always thought that the little sprinkling of gray made him look more distinguished and sexy as hell. His almond-shaped sapphire blue eyes pierce through her as he looks down his straight nose at her. Sometimes she wondered if he could see her every thought. He stood imposing, all six feet of masculinity surrounding her. His handsome, square face with its shapely jaw and stylize moustache and beard were now tightened, creasing his forehead and flattening his sensual lips into an unattractive grimace. What could she have done now to warrant that look she wondered as she watched him relax his broad shoulders and crossed his tone arms over hard, muscled chest that flexed under his scrub. She knew for a fact he had a sexy smile, she'd seen him use it on numerous occasions with the kids and others on staff, it was noticeably one of his distinctive features along with a sense of integrity and the way he interacted well with the children he came into contact with. He just never seemed to have any of his best qualities lying around when he was in her presence. Ignore him she told herself. It doesn't matter if he had a body that would make a sculptor drool or he made you hot and bothered, it's not worth getting into a fight with him. Not after the embarrassment of being kicked out of his surgery. It will only give him an excuse to have you fired or moved to another rotation if you take the bait. "Did you need something Dr. Jay?" she asked calmly. "Yes, next time you want to have a daydream sequence or think of your boyfriend do it on your own dime, not mine or a patient's. I find that to be disrespectful to everyone in that room, most of all, the person lying on the table. You've become reckless and if you don't get your act together I will have to take this up with your supervisor." "I'm sorry about today, but my work is always impeccable. I would think that if my work was lacking that the other doctors would have complained by now and my supervisor would have already spoken to me, that hasn't happened as yet. Maybe you should request another scrub nurse if you don't think I'm qualified to be on your service sir." "Well, we all don't have our grandmother as chief of surgery and president of the board of directors now do we?" "Are you saying no one has complained because of my grandmother? Do you think I got this job because of her? I would have you know that I worked my ass off at school so I can become a great nurse. My grandmother made sure to tell the hiring manager not to go easy on me because of who I am when I told her I was applying for a position here. I got this job, Dr. Sanders because I graduated at the top of my class and I know my shit. Whatever notion you have about my family and me you can just throw that out of your head right now. "I don't go around expecting people to treat me differently because of my name. That's not the type of person I am or was brought up to be. I don't know what I've ever done to you for you to treat me the way you do, but I'll appreciate it if you stop or I would be the one talking to your supervisor about your hang-ups and biases. If you'll excuse me I have patients to look after." * Jay watched Cindi leave the room he hadn't meant to attack her but she brought out the worst in him since he laid eyes on her three years ago, and she smiled up at him with those grey eyes of hers that held hints of mischief. He had been instantly charmed and had spent his first shift trying to find a way to work up the courage to ask her out even though he knew she was too young for him. He had worked his way up to asking her out up to the last hour of his shift until he found out she was the chief of surgery granddaughter. That had turned him off instantly, he had already had one spoiled rich girl too many in his life, he didn't want to be tangled up with another. If that wasn't a sign, the conversation he'd overheard her and another nurse talking about him had put any notion he had of asking her out to rest. That didn't mean that this insane attraction he felt for her wan over the years. He watched her date practically everyone eligible on this floor over the years or heard of her escapades and wondered what her parents or even her grandmother who ran a tight ship was doing to control their wild child. She was right, she was a great nurse would have been a great doctor if she wanted to, but lately, he noticed that she seem to lag behind some of the other nurses when she should have been on top of things. Maybe she was partying too hard or the boyfriend was keeping her up at night's busy making love. His mouth twisted in disgust, love what was love anyway nothing but an empty word. "Once she doesn't kill anyone on my watch then I'll be fine," he muttered shaking his head. He had some notes he needed to write up he might as well get those done and look in on a couple patients before lunch. It should keep his mind off a certain grey-eyed pixie that could only bring him trouble. He turned the corner of reception and was stopped in his tracks. "Are you Dr. Jay Sanders?" "Yes, who's asking?" he asked distractedly. "I have a delivery for you," the man handed him an envelope and before Jay knew what was happening he started belting out the words of the song Happy. He stood in shock and complete utter embarrassment as staff and visitors even the young patients milled around singing with the man. He caught a movement from the corner of his eyes and turn to see Nurse Cindi had come out of a patient's room laughing and was now dancing with one of the first year resident. His lips tightened in disapproval, he wouldn't put it pass her to be the one who had set this all up. "I think that's enough, thank you this is a hospital, not a club," he said to the man. "But I'm not done." "Yes, you're." "Come on Dr. Jay, the kids were enjoying the show," Cindi said. He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath; he was too tired for this. He turned and almost ran smack into Cindi, when did she get over here? "Nurse James, unlike you, most of us have work to do," he gritted so only she alone could hear. "What does that supposed to mean? Are you implying I don't have a job or I don't do my work? Did you already report me to my supervisor because if she fired me I didn't get the memo—" "If you want a show, do it on your own time and if I find out you have anything to do with this nonsense you will live to regret it. I don't care if your grandmother is the chief of surgery or not," he hissed. "Excuse me, doctor," the singer said. "What!" he hissed and realized that everyone was looking at them. Just fantastic wherever she is trouble follows and he always was smack dab in the middle of it. "I need to make sure you read the card before I leave if you won't let me finish my song I need to at least follow through on that." "Fine," he said ripping open the envelope and scanning the card. Hope you enjoyed the performance. Maybe now you would have a better day. Your secret admirer. He frowned and looked at the woman in front of him. "Now what did I do, or are you going to make up something else and blame me for it too?" "Nothing," he said turning and walked away. He had been wrong. He thought Cindi pranked him, like all the other incidents in the past weeks. He suspected she was the one to instigate them but couldn't prove it. However, the card said secret admirer, he doubted she was an admirer of his. He rubbed his temple as he felt a headache coming on, he have enough going on in his life to deal with this crap. *** "When are you going to admit you have a thing for Dr. Jay? The way the two of you acted this morning, I could swear you both are harbouring a crush for each other," Michelle one of the nurses and Cindi's friend said. Cindi snorted even though her insides melted a little, "are you kidding me, why would I willingly have a crush on him of all the men here? He has a stick so far up his ass no surgeon in this hospital but him could reach it to remove it. Do I look like I need a dull man to keep me down? Who doesn't like the song Happy? Plus the chip on his shoulder is so big it would crush me in an instant." Michelle choked on her salad and looked over Cindi's shoulder her eyes almost bulging out of her head. Shit, that could only mean one thing that the dreadful man was standing right behind her. Cindi wished she could blink and disappear from this embarrassing situation. Why couldn't she have just said she didn't have a crush on him and end things there? She turned slowly and looked into serious, blank eyes. "Dr. Jay I—" "Nurse James, it's good to know that I'm the only one in this hospital who's skilled at removing sticks. I guess being dull can come in handy, enjoy your lunch ladies," he said smiling at them and walked to a table across from theirs. Cindi stared after him her stomach feeling like melted lava. He smiled at her and not a cynical smile like the one he always wears when it was directed at her. He rarely smiles at her but she had seen him smile and laughed with the kids and their families on the pediatric ward and it was something to behold, it always blew her away and send tingles down her body. Mouth agape, she stared after him wanting to know what had just happened, this wasn't what she had expected. Plus what happened to the man who had attacked her earlier on? "Close your mouth Cindi, you're beginning to attract attention. I know it's the first time he's left you speechless, but there's no need to openly ogle him." "Ogle, ogle are you kidding me him? What just happened? He smiled, at me. Is there something on my face that I don't know about?" she asked in a rushed whisper. "No." "Between my teeth then, do I have a piece of food stuck between them that make me look like an idiot?" Michelle laughed aloud and shook her head. "Do you know if he has surgery this afternoon, I don't think I'm assisting on any but maybe that's why he seemed nice and wasn't offended because he planned on humiliating me again by kicking me out twice in one day or—" "Cindi, take a deep breath, there's no surgery maybe he thought your comment about the stick up his ass was funny." Cindi looked across the room and her eyes connected with his, he nodded and winked at her. Her breath caught in her throat and she looked away her heart slamming against her chest. She cleared her throat as she looked at her friend and shook her head trying to shake away whatever craziness this was. "No, this isn't happening. This isn't real this is...aww what was that for?" she asked rubbing her hand where Michelle pinched her. "That was to show you that this is real, you're overreacting." "No I'm not; he's never nice to me you know that, he has something up his sleeves you just watched and see, I can feel it. If not here then he has a voodoo doll of me at home he's going to push pins through when he gets home tonight mark my words. That was too easy." "Honestly Cindi you need to work less and get a life, your imagination is going wild. When was the last time you when on a date or got laid?" "What does his revenge has to do with my social life?" "You need something other than work to occupy your time. You are obsessing." "Thanks but I'm good, I have enough matchmaking from my family I don't need you trying to marry me off too." "I'm not trying to marry you off, just get you a date and since you've dated almost everyone who's eligible here—" "You make me sound like a—" "Serial dater? Yes, since Davina got married you've been on a mission and you've dated everyone—" "Not everyone," she said thinking of Dr. Jay. "Oh yes, everyone except Dr. Jay. Maybe it's his turn." "Over my dead body, and I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I only dated those men because my parents were pushing everyone on me since Davi and Connor got married." "How about sex?" "I didn't sleep with all of them," she snapped in indignation. "I didn't say you did, I was asking how about sex, are you looking for sex? You don't want the boyfriend what about sex?" "It's overrated." "Really? Then you haven't been getting it from the right person, I know a guy." "Michelle, I'm not looking for sex or a boyfriend." "Fine, then stop eating Dr. Jay up with your eyes like a starving woman, it's hard to watch and all the sexual tension is beginning to stifle everyone. Either sleep with him or find someone to relieve all that pent up energy you have that's driving you insane." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Denial can be a hard pill to swallow I've had a few myself." *** Jay surreptitiously watched as Cindi had what look to be a heated conversation with Nurse Michelle. Whatever the other woman was saying she didn't like it. When he walked in and heard what she said about him it hurt, but he shouldn't be surprised where she was concerned. She had a sharp tongue when it came to him. Their day didn't start off good, either so she must still be fuming from being kicked out of his OR or that talk at her locker. It seemed like he rubbed her the wrong way. He knew she had to be the one behind all the pranks towards him lately but he had no way of proving it, except for the singagram this morning he was still baffled who could have sent it. He'd called the company and they refused to tell him who placed the order. He sighed, he brought some of her animosity on himself he must admit that. He was hard on her more than the others because she had so much potential and she was squandering it away. He guessed if he had a renowned pediatric surgeon for a grandmother and came from her family, that he wouldn't take his work seriously either. Why when she didn't have to work if she didn't want too? The fact that he was attracted to her didn't help matters. To be honest he was ashamed that he was lusting after someone who was ten years his junior and likes to live life to the fullest. She was a wild child if you ask him. "Come on Sanders, she thinks you have a stick up your ass yet the sound of her voice turns your insides into mush. You need to have your head examine man," he muttered his eyes straying to her table once more. He couldn't deny she was beautiful; there was a light around her that was there even before she displayed that gorgeous smile of hers. She had perfectly arched eyebrows and eyes were so grey; they just make a man want to stare into them for hours. Her shiny, curly hair made his fingers itched to wrap a few tendrils around them. Her smooth milk chocolate coloured skin always reminded him of hot chocolate on a cold winter's night. Her full lips were a constant invitation begging to be kissed, and how many times had he kissed them in his dreams, countless times. Her body was all womanly, full and curvy in all the right places to keep a man hands busy for hours. He groaned crossing his legs to hide the evidence of his arousal. Why did he keep torturing himself? She had shown her disdain for him earlier on and obviously, no love was lost between them. If they were stuck on a deserted island together, he bet they would work at killing each other, other than working together to get off the island. His mind went back to her call, he wondered who was this man that she loved and how long they had been going out, he hadn't heard talks about her dating anyone and had assumed she had been single, he guessed he was wrong. He watched as she got up and left, watching the sway of her hips and firm ass in her scrubs. He shook his head and looked at his food. "Maybe it was time you start dating again Sanders that was a healthier choice for you." *** "Hold the elevator please," Cindi said running towards the damn thing. She was happy her shift was over and she could go home and have a glass or two of wine and forget what a disaster her day had been. Thank goodness she had the weekend off and she didn't have to see Dr. Dread for another four days. She couldn't wait until her Christmas vacation in six weeks, it couldn't come fast enough. "Thank you," she said panting as she reached the elevator. She really needed to get back in the gym. "No problem, I'm here only to serve you," the smooth sarcastic voice she'd been trying to avoid all afternoon said. Speak of the devil; she looked up to meet mocking blue eyes flashing with distaste. What the hell was his problem? If she wasn't tired and was up for a fight she would have asked him who pissed in his cereal this morning and why he's always had it out for her. Instead, she held her tongue. "Dr. Jay, thanks for holding the elevator but I think I'll wait for the other one, I just remember I forgot something in my locker." "How convenient, running scared Nurse James?" That got her hackles up, "why would I be scared?" she asked her voice frosting over for him. "I don't know, you tell me maybe you have something to hide? What, I'm not good enough for the almighty Cindi James to ride the elevator with?" "Or maybe it's just that chip on your shoulder you're carrying around and your overinflated ego that I'm worried is too heavy for the elevator to hold all four of us," she snapped back and was pissed that she let him goad her. "I would say touché, but I've come to learn that the truth always hurts, and when it comes to you nurse James, you always get defensive when you're hiding something." Just to prove him wrong she stepped onto the elevator and jabbed at the button for the garage floor, that should shut him up she thought fuming. "I guess that must have been hard for you, but if I were you I'll be careful in the way I press the button. You don't want to break a finger now do you, it'll be such a shame if you did, and they are so well maintained." She turned and pointed a finger in the middle of his chest. "What's eating at you? Since you started working here three years ago you've done nothing but pick on me. What have I done to warrant such hatred from you? "I've been polite and nice to you, I've even gone out of my way to make you feel welcome and this is how you treat me." "I've never asked you to go out of your way to be nice to me Miss James. We're colleagues, we don't have to like each other we just have to get along long enough to work with each other." She stepped back and looked at him with pity. "I feel sorry for you Dr. Jay if this is what you really think. Maybe that's why you don't have any friends." "I guess sleeping with the whole male staff on the pediatric ward would make you popular with everyone," he sneered. She stumbled back and took a deep breath, that's what he thought, what everyone thought of her that she was some slut? His words hurt more than she wanted to admit, they cut her deep that she felt her insides bleeding. She straightened her shoulders and looked at him in the eyes not blinking. "Not the whole male staff. You forgot I didn't sleep with you, as if I would stoop so low to screw an asshole like you." She watched as a shadow crossed his face, but before he could say anything, the elevator jerked then came to a stop and the lights flicker three times before they went out. "Great now I'm stuck in here for god knows how long with you. As if my night couldn't get any worse." She expected him to mutter one of his sarcastic remarks, when he didn't she looked over her shoulder to see what he was doing. It was dark; she couldn't even make out his silhouette. She took out her cell phone and then presses the keys, no signal. She pressed the elevator emergency bell hoping someone would come soon and fix the problem or that the elevator would start again. It wasn't that she was claustrophobic, she just didn't want to be trapped in an elevator for hours with Dr. Gloom. "Maybe it's a power outage; the generator should kick in soon if it is. Dr. Jay are you okay?" All she heard was a childlike whimper. She frowned thinking she'd heard wrong, there hadn't been anyone else on the elevator, but the two of them and his ego and that chip on his shoulder if you counted those. She turned the torch on her phone on and pointed it in his direction. What she saw almost floored her. Jay was lying on the floor curled up in a fetal position rocking back and forth. She looked at him confused, what happened to the man who she'd been sparring with a while ago? She dropped her things and move to sit on the floor next to him. He seemed to be in some sort of trance. She sat close but not so she was touching him so he would be startled. "Jay are you okay?" she asked softly. When he did nothing other than continue his rocking, she tentatively reached out and touched him. He flinched and curled tighter into himself humming under his breath. She pulled her hand away feeling helpless. She didn't know what was going on or what to do, he looked like a scared little boy instead of the virile man she knew. Her heart almost broke watching him. It didn't matter what happened a few minutes ago or this morning, right now he needed her and she was going to help him in any way she can. She moved closer. "I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to help you okay? Why don't you put your head on my lap, it'll be better than having it on the dirty floor," she said softly as she lightly touching him again this time rubbing a soothing hand over his back as she does with her niece and nephew. He didn't move towards her, but he didn't pull away either. She sat and began to sing this little light of mine, the song he'd been humming. She put her phone down on the floor so the torch was shining into the dark small space. She knew it will kill her battery faster but she didn't care. If it made things easier for Jay and calm him then so be it. After a few minutes of singing he moved closer and rest his head on her lap, she sighed happily that he was relaxed enough to trust her to do so. She ran her fingers through his blond hair still humming and trying not to let the tears that were welled up behind her eyes fall. "Everything is going to be alright, no one is going to hurt you once I'm here," she whispered to him bending to kiss his forehead as she did her nephew when he had a bad dream. What happened to you Jay Sanders, who hurt you to make you turn into a scared child in the dark? She hoped whoever it was, was currently rotting in hell. She sat with him his head in her lap for fifteen minutes as she watched his breathing steady and his body relaxed. That's good he was calming down whatever it is that was bothering him he seemed to be letting go of. He was drenched in his sweat as was her pants where his head was resting. The light in the elevator came on and the elevator began to move again. She watched the man whose head she'd been caressing for the past twenty-five minutes. He looked as if he was asleep, she was contemplating how she was going to wake him when he opened his eyes and looked up at her with shiny blue eyes that held a mixture of emotions. Terror, shame? It was so quick she couldn't tell because a shutter came over his face as he sat up. She sat confused for a minute before she grabbed her phone and took the torch off and got up off the floor. Her battery was almost drained, she picked up her bag and coat then turned and looked at him. What did she say to him after what had just happened? There wasn't really much she could say without ruffling his feathers or embarrassing him. "Are you okay?" she asked softly instead. He looked at her blankly and she wondered if he was even seeing her or if he was still in the nightmare with whatever was still haunting him. "Why wouldn't I be Miss James?" Was he for real? He was just going to pretend nothing happened. "What just happened, the light went off and you—" "Thanks for your help nurse James, but I think you should mind your own business. Have a good night," he said stepping out of the elevator and walking to his car. Cindi hadn't even noticed they'd reached the garage. She got off the elevator and watched him walk away. What did she expect that he'll all of a sudden be Mr. nice guy? "Have a nice evening too you prick."